Recently, when I was getting myself situated in church, preparing to hear a good word, one of the ushers walked up to me with the biggest smile on her face. Looking at me she proceeded to say, “my you have this wonderful glow around you. I just felt the need to tell you that.” I sat there in awe and my friend further commented, “well I’m glad we came to service together.” I know for a fact she didn’t make that statement due to my pores, because I forgot to moisturize before I left the house, so it had to be another aura she picked up on.
I told myself at the beginning of the year, I wanted to live where, how I was feeling on the inside reflected outwardly to others. Past the point that my name is Joi’ and that typically I am a jovial person, I wanted others to see the God in me. Someone did. I can’t describe how happy that made me feel (and still does). I haven’t always been honest with my feelings and over time, it became apparent to the people around me. One of my biggest issues was processing pain, especially when I felt someone had taken advantage of me, simply put I lived by the code: treat me like a joke, and I’ll treat you like you’re f****** funny.
That mentality, or holding onto that amount of pain was destroying me. For as much as I thought I was moving on, I never was able to let go of a situation without twisting the knife. In one of my more iconic outbursts that my friends won’t let me forget, I sarcastically told my former lover, “well maybe you’ll remember how to treat women better when you’re mentoring to future leaders”. He was a community activist and really loved children, so my venom was the equivalent of me spitting in his face. In those moments where I lashed out, it never provided more than temporary satisfaction, but the hurt of the situation always remained, and over time, it was a crusted over wound that never healed.
The reality was: I was seeking revenge, something that never brings about happiness nor peace of mind. If anything, it matriculated feelings of regret, due to the fact that no matter how I tried to rationalize my actions, I knew I had been raised better. Making the decision to “let it go” has been one of the most trying changes I’ve had to process; and it’s taken years for me to fully grasp the concept. One of my favorite sayings has always been, “the best revenge is living well.” What I never fully understood is that it’s based upon your reaction to a situation, not the other persons. Every time we give in to our base nature and seek to hurt someone like they’re hurt others, we only further our own pain.
In deciding that no matter what someone does to me I am going to move on, lets the universe know that you are trying to give back the positive energy it’s provided me with a freedom I’ve never experienced. I literally feel lighter and more open, despite what I have been through. If you want your own light to shine, or if you are struggling to find your own inner sanctum, take the steps to make a conscious effort to speak life into your situation and not negativity. Those small affirmations will lead to big changes, and before you know it, someone will be stopping you, to tell you about the glow they see in you as well. The best revenge is none at all.